I’m not a big fan of conflict.  I know that there are some people who seem to thrive on it, but I’m not one of them.  In fact, I’m more of the “Can’t we all just get along” kind of person.  I’m sure there have been times when I’ve stood up for what I believe in, but I think these are few and far between (and I can’t think of an example where I have at the moment).  I think that in most situations I just keep my ideas to myself and let others believe what they want.  I don’t see this as a good thing about me – I see it as a weakness.

For one thing I feel that I’m too wishy-washy about things I should have strong convictions about.  I sit in the middle of the philosophical road, trying to see things from everyone’s perspective.  I tend to see things as too complicated, too filled with shades of gray to take a stand on one side or another.  But even when I do have an opinion about something, I tend to just “go with the flow” and smile and nod and give every appearance of being in complete agreement with whomever is talking even when I’m not.  No, this is definitely not one of my better qualities.

Right now, we have a “situation” in our church that is creating some conflict, and I am feeling very much trapped in the middle.  It’s not a huge conflict and it certainly isn’t open warfare.  But it’s something that bothers me – a lot.  Let me see if I explain the problem… No, it’s too complicated, so let me just sum it up:  A person that I care about a great deal has a serious dislike on for another person that I care a great deal about.  Both have rather integral roles in the church which is the source of at least some of the conflict.

Normally this wouldn’t be too big an issue since (a) he doesn’t have some murderous, loathing hate for the other person and (b) I don’t expect every one of my friends to love every other one of my friends.  Part of my quandary is that I fear that Person A will at some point decide that he would rather just leave the church than to try to work it out with Person B.  This would be a “Bad Thing” for the church – not horrific, but still bad.  But more importantly from my perspective (and this is after all “all about me”) is the decision I will face – do I follow Person A to a new church, or stick it out with Person B?

Being the type who tends to “borrow trouble”, I’ve of course obsessed about this periodically even though Person A has not indicated that he has any immediate plans to leave the church.  It’s just something he has considered.  I should note that Person A has been a close friend for about 10 years whereas I’ve only known Person B for about a year.  But I should also note that I have other friends at this church and am rather happy there (although I’m not sure how happy I’d remain without Person A).

Reading back over this summary of the problem, it sounds like Person A is being rather petty over something minor, or that Person B must be doing something horrendous in the church to create this potential schism.  The sad fact is that they are both really good men who only want what is best for the church – they just have different ideas of what that entails.  It would certainly make my life a lot easier if I could see where one or the other was clearly “in the wrong.”  Unfortunately, life seldom offers easy answers to the little dilemmas it presents.

So we come back to the beginning – I hate conflict.  I also hate making decisions, so when I have to make a decision that is a result of some conflict I’m doubly miserable.  I suppose I’ll just have to stick it out in the middle until, perhaps, some course of action makes itself known to me that might help resolve the situation.  I wonder if Martin Luther had some friend in the church that was torn apart when he decided to post his famous protests concerning the Catholic Church – some poor little cleric who just kept thinking, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

Hi K'Jan! Thanks for commenting on "The Smell of Heaven" post. I'm happy you enjoyed the photo; I have to agree with you about almost being able to smell them...

As to your post, I have to agree with you about not being a fan of conflict. Like you, I would rather people just try to get along. Maybe it's because conflict is scary; I mean, how do you respond to it when it happens, right?

I don't think you're wishy-washy. I think that everyone has their own ways of standing up for their beliefs; just because one person may wave wildly and make big noise, that doesn't make them any more true to their beliefs than it does for the person who stands silently but firmly. Does that make sense? There's lots of times when I've been silent, and it doesn't make me wishy-washy. The way I see it, those who yell and wave about wildly are more likely to lose their listeners than those who walk softly and carry big sticks.

Thanks Holly! I feel better about this now that I see I'm not alone in hating conflict. As always, your words of wisdom have helped me out.