I haven’t written in a couple of days because I’ve been really busy. Work has picked up some and I have classes Tuesday through Thursday. Ray said that the best thing I could do was keep busy, so that’s what I’m doing. Right now, there’s a lull in the work load, so I thought I’d catch up my blogging.
I think I’m starting to feel a little better. At least the restlessness is decreasing somewhat, although that could be because I’m burning off energy by keeping busy. But the periods of anxiety and irritability are a little less frequent and I haven’t cut since Monday night. My thoughts are still racing, though, making it hard to concentrate on what I’m doing. I think that’s what causes me to hop from task to task without completing anything. Even while writing this blog I have stopped several times to work on something else.
I’m feeling the effects of the decrease in the amphetamines – I get pretty sleepy by afternoon and it becomes harder to stay busy. It also becomes harder to stay on task or focus on what I need to be doing. I am sleeping better, but I’m not sure if that’s the effect of the decrease in amphetamines or the addition of Restoril. Anyway, getting more than a couple of hours of sleep has been nice.
Despite getting plenty of sleep last night, I’m already getting sleepy. I took a half an amphetamine to see if it helps – so far, nothing. It’s really weird being restless and sleepy at the same time. I have this conflicting desire to lie down and take a nap or get up and pace. I’ve got another hour before lunch where I’ll be able to at least walk to my car to go pick up something to eat. That at least might help with the sleepiness and burn off some energy at the same time.
I’ve noticed that my blogs are all about complaining about how I feel – first with the depression and now with the mania. That must be pretty boring to read. But that is what is most on my mind and it helps me collect my thoughts to write it out. One odd thing about my writing – I have had a number of people who think I should write a book about my experience with abuse and mental illness. I doubt I have the self discipline to write a whole book so I doubt I’ll ever do it, but I just think it’s odd the number of people who have suggested it.
So, what can I write about that has nothing to do with my mental status. Well, did I ever mention that I got a new laptop? It’s a beauty – an HP Pavilion with 4 GB of RAM and a 400 GB hard drive running at 2.10 GHz. The screen is a little smaller that my other one, but I haven’t really noticed the difference. I gave my old laptop to my sister who has wanted a laptop for years. Her desktop computer crashed which prompted the purchase of a new laptop for me. I’m not sure how I managed to pulled that off, but however I did it, I’m glad. I really needed a bigger hard drive for all the programs I need for school. They are all memory hogs and I had to use flash drives and an external hard drive to hold all my files.
There – most of the blog was about my bout with mania, but at least I mentioned something good about my life. Actually, I’ve never really complained about my life. I’m in school studying what I love, and I have a job that I enjoy working with people that I really like. My sister is supportive, letting me live with her practically for free. I have good friends who are also very supportive. My life is good – it’s me that’s screwed up. Still, my life is something that I can look forward to when my mood changes to something more normal. Like Ray says, it’s just a matter of time.
0 Feedback.
Really enjoy your blog! Hope your kitchen remodel is soon done. Focus on the way it will look - maybe that'll help. (And a trip to Hawaii wouldn't hurt 
by sometime soon 
Thanks for dropping in, sweetness - it was great to see you! 
Take care of that arm, my friend, and talk to the doc if you need to... 
Just wanted to let you know I've subscribed to your blog so I can keep up with you more easily. 
Bravenet Blog 
Blog Community
Get a Free Blog
Manage your Blog
Come Visits and have some wine 
or tea 
with me 
What an Amazing world we live in 
bravenet.com